3.39 am

I’m wide awake.

4.47 am

My eyes are still wide open.

5.23 am

My thoughts are all over the place.

Emails, criticism, personal shortcomings – they’re all surfacing, haunting me, trying to hurt me.

Yesterday, I received a response to my weekly newsletter that was full of negativity and disdain for my positive outlook on life.

This email made me mad – and I rarely get mad these days – , but something about it hit a nerve with me. It was the fact that this lovely person was playing the victim role and in doing so, she tried to paint my life as one of rose petals and angels. She justified her negativity by telling me how easy my life really was.

While I understand that this is a common side effect of wanting to hold on to your story, it’s also a destructive one.

You see, my life is anything but easy. 

Yes, I have a lot of luck.

Yes, I am very blessed with friends and family.

BUT nothing I have in my current life came here without effort. No, I worked my way to being positive, feeling good, finding my tribe, making peace with my family, and practicing radical forgiveness for years.

And today, my life is far from perfect. I’m getting a divorce, I’ve moved back in with my parents, I am finding my bearings, but instead of turning into Miss Negative and dwelling on “woe is me”, I’m standing tall, facing my battles with grace and humility.

Nothing about that is easy.

Nothing about that just happened.

But everything started when I gave up pointing fingers and playing the victim of my circumstances. 

A few years ago, a situation like the one I’m facing right now would have caused me to go into a shitstorm of self-hatred, feelings of not being enough, of being a failure and not measuring up. Today, however, I’m happy to realize how much I’ve changed and how much my hard work has paid off.

Instead of beating myself up for where I am in life, I’m compassionate toward myself. Instead of comparing myself with my peers, I am counting my blessings and practicing gratitude for everything I have. Instead of blaming my imperfect body for everything that’s not working out as I had hoped, I am showering it with praise and love. Instead of playing the victim, I am owning my life, my story and I accept myself right here and right now.

And you know what, it’s a truly amazing place to be in. It’s freeing, oh so freeing and as I feel the breeze of ice cold air on my daily walks, I am happy and in love with life – with all it’s challenges and hardships, certain in the knowledge that I’ll handle it all with dignity and self-love.

How can you start to accept yourself? 

The first step to self-acceptance is forgiveness. It’s hard work, but once you’ve paved your way through the mud, you’ll walk in the sunshine of life  truly seeing its colors and experiencing its beauty.

Forgiveness starts by repeating the words “I forgive you” every time you beat yourself up. It starts by becoming aware of all the stories you tell yourself and all the blame you place onto others. It starts by taking ownership of your words, your “shoulds” and your “woulds”.

And the more you practice these steps the sooner you’ll find that what used to hurt you, what used to set you off is now nothing but a distant memory of pain, loss and blame.

Forgiveness has a lot of layers and once you start doing the work, once you get knee deep into it, you’ll uncover more and more subtle nuances of letting go. You’ll never be truly done but that’s part of the fun.

Your journey to a life of self-acceptance and self-empowerment starts with one simple step and soon, you’ll find yourself in love’s arms, having let go of the painful song of blaming others for the life you have. 

More Posts About Self-Acceptance

Deborah shares her struggle with accepting her body here

Elizabeth writes about the art of self-acceptance here

Karen opens up about her search for self-acceptance here