There’s a simple truth in life and it’s the fact that you will never ever EVER get enough of something you don’t really want.
You can accumulate it all you want, but if you don’t really want it, desire it, yearn for it, it’ll never be enough.
If you don’t want them, those things will not ever make you happy, fulfilled, feel whole and simply good.
Why do you binge?
Because you’re seeking fullness. You’re looking to find something that makes you less lonely, less empty, less concerned.
Why do you restrict?
Because you’re seeking joy. You’re looking to find something that makes you feel real, worthy, desired and alive.
However, since your soul is not going to be happy based on a number or a certain food you eat, you’ll never achieve those states of being you’re actually looking for.
You can eat all you want.
You can diet all you want.
You can binge all you want.
And you’ll still feel empty and lost.
The way out, then, is to find what you are really looking for.
The questions you want answered.
The experiences you yearn to have.
The answer, then, is to go inward, to stop seeking happiness on the outside and finally starting to look for it in the only place it truly exists: within.
It seems so obvious, it seems so simple, but it’s oh so hard.
After all, binging, not eating, overexercising, give us certainty, a level of control.
Looking for what we truly want is often a road into the wild, the unknown, the scary.
But it can also be exciting, thrilling, full of fun, chaotic, yes, but awesomely so.
Life is uncertain in its essence.
We hide from that truth as much as we can, instead of leaning into it, riding the wave – with a smile on our face.
We hide from that truth because we’re scared of what might be if we
simply leaned in.
Surrendered to what is instead of yearning for what should be.
And so we accumulate stuff, food, diet books and other possessions that should give us this glimpse of aliveness, a glimpse of happiness, of freedom and peace.
We try so hard.
And yet that hole in our heart,
that whisper in our soul,
that feeling in our gut,
won’t go away instead
they grow and grow and grow.
Until we can’t ignore them anymore.
Until we have to stop, listen and learn.
You can’t get enough of something you don’t want.
Will you listen?
Will you hear
what your body, your inner wisdom has been telling you all along?
That your direction,
the path of your life,
that road you thought you had to go
is not the one you truly want?
And you know, don’t you?
Will you listen?
Will you learn?
That you will never be satisfied binging secretly every night.
That you will never feel that moment of heaven,
that light at the end of the tunnel if you willingly continue to ignore
that part of you that knows.
That you will need to stop pretending and start beginning
to practice what you truly want.
Will you listen?
Will you act?
There’s a part of you that is nodding right along.
And yet, the other part, the one that wants to ignore
all that is true
all that is real
all that you know is good for you
is closing her eyes,
shaking her head,
stumping her feet.
It’s easy to pretend.
It’s easy to stay on the surface.
It’s easy to not care
about your own wellbeing.
Except that you do.
Or you wouldn’t binge.
You wouldn’t diet.
You wouldn’t yearn to be so so so thin.
Except you do care about your happiness,
your quality of life.
Or you wouldn’t be here,
reading these words,
facing your fears.
The next time you binge,
ask yourself – honest and open –
what it is you really want.
What it is your heart desires,
your soul seeks,
your body needs.
The next time you start a new diet,
ask yourself – in all your most beautiful vulnerable ways –
what would make you feel happy,
truly at peace.
What would make you soar?
And make pure life force running through your veins?
What would make you jump out of bed in the morning
and stay up late at night?
What would make you laugh out loud,
tears streaming down your face,
holding your belly
What would really give you what you are seeking?
Go after that.
With every fiber of your being.
Go after your dreams.
Your mission in life.
For that will provide you with the joy, the fullness, the aliveness you have always been yearning for.
For that will inspire you to go to new heights, to shed more fears and peel away the layers of pretense and pain that have grown around your core, your heart, the YOU that hasn’t been you in decades and more.
Lean into the fear – if all of this sounds grand.
Lean into the fear – if all of this sounds ridiculous.
Lean into the – if all of this sounds true for others but never for you.
You’ve got what you need.
It’s already there.
Stop looking for it in food, relationships, sex, that body you sport or the money that you just cannot seem to get.
Stop looking for it and instead, seek less by finding yourself in all the ways you want to show up in this world –
as the person that you truly are.
Once you do, get ready for a hell of a ride and the most fun you’ve had all of your life.
You’ll never get enough of something you don’t want.
You’ll always have enough of the one thing you can’t not have.
Find it, live it, be it.