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It is my firm belief that you cannot escape diet prison if you don’t get to know yourself, get to know your core, your wants, desires and more.
You can’t stop a destructive behavior if you’re not opening up space for healthy habits, healthy expressions of who you are.
So, in this episode of Escape Diet Prison, I share tips and strategies that’ll help you get to a place of profound freedom, deep understanding of yourself and free up space for healing to happen.
It’s time to begin a relationship with yourself again that lasts a lifetime, supports you, loves you and heals you inside and out.
1. Change your living situation
Thomas Moore, who is a former monk and clinical psychologist, says that our outer world (the possessions we have, the way we choose to decorate our bedroom, the pictures we hang on the wall etc.) reflects the condition of our inner lives.
And I agree.
The more clutter I have, the less relaxed I feel. The lighter the colors of my furniture, the freer I feel. The bigger the windows in my home, the clearer my mind. It’s all connected.
So, take a look around your house and do a body check to see how you feel in your home. If you feel negative feelings, it’s time to change something. Now, I don’t suggest you go ahead, sell your home and move across the world. Although, if that’s what you truly desire, DO IT. But even just a few adjustments can make a big difference in the way you feel, and thus in your relationship with your beautiful self.
Set yourself a challenge, look for the room or corner in your home that you like the least and begin taking out one piece a day that you’d rather live without. You can then either leave that spot empty or replace it with an object, a painting, a scent that inspires you and feels like it represents your core.
Repeat this process for a week or until your space feels good to you again and see how your relationship with yourself evolves.
2. Do The Work on yourself
Never heard of The Work by Byron Katie? Then, it’s about time you learn about it, my love.
I’ve stumbled upon Byron Katie’s work two years ago as I was going through a big self-transformation and Byron’s process helped me tremendously. My initial separation from my husband paired with a new bout of anorexia unleashed a whole slew of painful thoughts and beliefs that made me want to dig deeper into my inner demons. Through The Work, I was able to create space around my thoughts and replace the charge they carried with a more benign way of looking at myself and my situation.
I know I’m not alone with my painful doubts and we all carry around hideous reminders of our supposed shortcoming that keep us up at night.
You know the Top 10 list of your own limiting beliefs, don’t you? Some of my clients’ favourites are:
I’m not good enough.
I’m not smart enough.
I need to do more.
I need to lose weight.
I should work out more.
I should dress up more often for my husband.
I am a failure as a mom.
I’m failing myself.
People judge me for my weight.
And on and on and on goes our mind. Yet, Byron Katie reminds us that our thoughts are just a random running commentary that doesn’t have to be true. We can easily defuse the pain these thoughts create by asking the following questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
Then, we can turn the thought around, and find at least three genuine, specific examples for each turnaround.
Turn the thought to the Opposite.
Turn the thought to the Other.
Turn the thought to the Self.
Sounds too complicated? It isn’t. Let’s look at an example.
People judge me for my weight.
- Is it true? Yes.
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true? No.
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? I resent people who look at me or even just glance at me. I feel insecure and just want to cry all day long. It also makes me want to binge on everything in sight.
- Who would you be without the thought? I would be free, happy and self-confident. I would finally accept myself the way I am. I’d also be so much friendlier and open towards other people.
Time to turn the thought around:
Turn the thought to the Opposite. People don’t judge me for my weight.
Turn the thought to the Other. My weight judges me for people.
Turn the thought to the Self. I judge me for my weight.
Then try to find three examples for every turnaround that could be true or truer than the original thought.
There’s no right or wrong way to answer these questions. There’s no way of doing it wrong. Just go with your gut reactions and see how you feel after you’ve gone through this process. My experience shows that you’ll feel relieved, lighter and just a tiny bit less sad.
Obviously, there’s much more to The Work than that. So go over to Byron Katie’s website to dig a little deeper and get the entire scoop about freeing yourself from your destructive thoughts.
3. Drop into your body
Your body is your truest guide and the best tool to find your way back home to yourself. However, most of us have completely forgotten to rely on the wisdom of our bodies and instead rely solely on our minds.
This leads to unhappiness, wrong decisions, weight gain, disordered eating, staying in disastrous relationships, accepting jobs we hate and forgetting who we really are.
The cool thing is that your body is very forgiving and always ready to welcome you back home.
So, maybe now is the time for you to re-connect with your body, learn to listen to it again and live a life in a partnership that won’t let you down.
Begin this new understand of your body by checking in with your body once a day. Scan your body from your toes to your head and see what you notice, see what happens to you, feel what you must feel.
Drop into your body, feel your body, listen to your body.
4. Change what doesn’t work
You already know what stands in the way of you truly liking yourself, don’t you? You know when you’re most unhappy, when you feel most out of balance, when your inner core is most misaligned.
You’re just waiting for someone to take your hand and guide you to the change that you truly desire. Well, you can be your own guide beginning right now.
You just need to commit to it. Commit to taking steps forward. Every little one counts. If you feel stuck, do The Work on your thoughts and begin again. If you feel like you can’t do it alone, hire a coach (like me) and let the wisdom and counsel of others help you along. If you feel resistance inside about changing anything at all, acknowledge that these fears are normal, expected even, but that your life will forever be the same if you choose to stand still.
But you already know what you need to do, am I right?
5. Stop the blame game
So, you’ve had something really bad happen in the past. It hurt, maybe it knocked you down for a while and it took you months or years to get back up. It stinks. It’s unfair, but it doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.
If you keep blaming others for your circumstances, you’re standing in your own way of finding happiness and peace.
I’ve done it. For years, I’ve blamed my brother for my unhappiness, my anorexia, my lack of will to be alive. I’ve resented him for everything he did to me. I’ve played the scenarios and the psycho messages he sent me over and over again in my head until they made me go crazier, get more and more mad, feel more hurt and more like a victim. Slowly, I was destroying myself by repeating the past in my mind.
Then I realized that my brother didn’t give a s**t about my pain and that he wouldn’t get hurt by my holding on to his actions. So, slowly and gently, I let go. I freed myself of the blame game and I accepted responsibility for my own life. None of this makes his freakish behavior right, but it’s made me the person I truly am supposed to be.
Now, I’m happy, free and successful.
So, whatever past resentments you are holding on to, let them go, realize that you are responsible for your own life, for your present circumstances and your future. Take back control and notice how you begin seeing yourself in a new light.
6. Dare to dream
I’ve had someone coach me through my perfect day and boy was it a revelation. Everything I saw was different than I had expected it to be. My outlook on life, my dreams for Johann and myself changed completely: in the matter of an hour. It was powerful, emotional and truly eye opening.
Do you know what you want for yourself? Do you know what your ideal day really looks like? What makes you feel blissful, confident and – most importantly – true to yourself?
If not, dare to dream. Sit back, relax and envision your ideal life, your perfect day, your most outrageous dreams. Do you want to wake up on Fiji and go to bed in the mountains of Colorado? Done! Do you want to spend your days outside and your nights having dinner in Paris? No big deal. Do you want to live a quiet life with your crazy family and build a business you can be truly proud of? It’s happening!
Whatever you want, it’s yours. Don’t chastise yourself for wanting more than you have right now, but let it inspire you to create your ideal day in the life you have now.
Finding you way back home to yourself is a process that might sometimes seem rocky and often, you’ll want to give up. But just think about the possibilities, the freedom, the love and the peace you’ll have once you’ve bust through your fears, worked your way through your blogs, loved your way to a whole you?
The reward, believe me, will feel, look, smell and taste so much better than you can ever imagine.
So, begin your journey today. Be brave. Be curious. And you’ll finally find – and love – the real you!
Enjoy this episode of Escape Diet Prison and do share it if it helped or inspired you.
Love and light,
