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On March 23rd 2011, I checked myself into a treatment facility to finally recover from anorexia and various other eating disorders.

It was a scary and excited day and so, since the 5 year anniversary of my recovery just happened, I decided to dedicate an entire episode of Escape Diet Prison to the wins and losses in this time.

Recovery from anorexia is a delicate process and it happens differently for anyone but there are a few common skills that everyone has to learn in order to live a life of freedom from the overwhelming thoughts about food and the body.

When I look at photos of myself during this time, my eyes were hollow, there was no joy on my face or strength in my body. I was beat by a 14-year long battle with myself and I was ready to move on and get healthy.

But I wasn’t really. Something inside of me was still struggling, fighting and kicking, not wanting to be normal, have a real body or be able to function. Something inside of me wanted to stay sick in order to not have to function in the world and possible fail – not because of a sick body but because of “normal” human experiences.

Staying sick gave me the chance to stay small and stuck. It was safe to not eat, safe to not be able to study, safe to only focus on calories and workouts.

That’s why my recovery story is one that isn’t told easily – is there such a thing as an easy recovery? – but it does have a happy end; an end that keeps on giving and going.

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but today I know that I’ve never been healthier in my body, that I’ve never had a more sane relationship with food and exercise and that I never ever ever want to go back to the behaviors that almost cost me my life.

If you are still struggling and fighting anorexia or any other eating disorder, this is an episode that will show you that there is hope – no matter how messy your recovery is.

Love and light,