This morning I made a huge mistake, one that will haunt me for quite some time:
I stepped on the SCALE!!! I am so dumb. I wanted a miracle to happen, I guess.
BUT I gained 2 (!!!!!!!) kilograms in only 2 days. I KNOW it is just a darn number, but I am freaking out. I HATE that I cannot eat normally like everybody else.
Why is it that if I only eat a tiny little bit, I gain SO VERY MUCH? Why do I always have to be different???
I hate that I know have to diet again. I just hate it.
I am so very sad right now and mad at myself that I care so much, but 2 kilograms in 2 days is unfathomable.
I want to bawl my eyes out, but I can’t; I want to scream, but I can’t. I cannot wait to go back to therapy. But until Saturday I will probably weigh 10 kilograms more.
When I weighed myself this morning, I was 3lbs heavier than yesterday morning and I ate dinner 2 full hours earlier than I usually do last night AND have cut back on drinking to lose weight for Comic Con. Was I surprised at the number? Yes. Did I feel discouraged and bad about myself? At first, until I realized that I put salt on microwave popcorn that I ate last night and worked out this morning before I weighed myself, all things that can affect what the scale says, causing a number to be more inaccurate than how you look. Don’t freak out about it. I know that it’s the disease talking but I still hate to hear you think like that 🙁 It’s all in how you look, now what the number says. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DIET AGAIN. You are beautiful and wonderful and in the scheme of things, it doesn’t freaking matter if you gain 2kg, 10kg or lose 50 kg. EVERYONE – I repeat, EVERYONE – will love you and think of you exactly the same because it’s your lovely soul that draws us to you. Chin up, I know it’s difficult, but you can do it!
Hon, I totally agree with Colleen!
I do have to laugh though. You get on the scale & see the number go up & get discouraged & stop eating. I on the other hand, get on the scale & see the number go up & have total opposite reaction. I get discouraged & go crazy eating. I think, what’s the use!, I will never lose weight & be healthy. So we both sabotage our attempts to be healthy!
Hang in there & keep working towards getting healthy! One day we will meet in the middle & both be healthy! Love ya Hon! You can do this! We both can do this!!